Friday, January 9, 2009

What Am I Doing?!

Though it wasn't necessarily warm today, the sun was just brilliant.  It was a clear, beautiful afternoon and John and I had plans to go to Harpeth Hills where our little Beau is laid to rest, and buy some real estate ourselves.  We also planned to visit Beau's Place and replace the flowers Eric and Kelly had left there a couple of weeks ago.  I thought it would be fun to tie up a little baby trinket among the ribbons on the flowers, so after choosing flowers at the store, I began to shop the baby aisle.  What was I thinking?
No one, no one, should have to shop the baby aisle to find something to put at the graveside of a baby rather than crib-side.  I was so angry and so hurt.  And yet I know full well that I am not the only one who's ever done it or ever will. However, later on, once we reached the grave, it was a comfort to bustle about and make it beautiful again.  It was the least I could do to honor our precious grandson.  It is inside-out and upside-down to have to bury a baby.  Life isn't supposed to be this way!  But, it is, and here we are - pain and all.  

When we shall come hoome and enter to the possession of our Brother's fair kingdom, and when our heads shall find the weight of the eternal crown of glory, and when we shall look back to pains and sufferings; then shall we see life and sorrow to be less than one step or stride from a prison to glory; and that our little inch of time - suffering is not worthy of our first night's welcome home to heaven.  ~ Samuel Rutherford (1600-1661)

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