Antithesis in Leadership

Mankind has not changed since Adam and Ever were cast from the Garden. The things which surround mankind - technology, commerce, culture - have changed, but the heart of man remains as it has always been, prone to sin and wickedness and in need of a Savior.

That being the case, we see in Isaiah 32 that the antithesis residing in man's heart can be seen in the office of leadership. As Isaiah lays out warning and promise to an errant Israel, he also lays out for us what leadership is and what it is not.

In Chapter 32, verses 1 - 3, Isaiah gives us an example of virtuous leadership and how it behaves.

Behold, a king will reign in righteousness,

and princes will rule in justice.

"Each will be like a hiding place from the wind,

a shelter from the storm,

like streams of water in a dry place,

like the shadow of a great rock in a weary land."

First and foremost virtuous leadership governs with righteousness and justice, but - especially in our own age of relativity - we must take care to define what that means, and we can derive that definition from Chapter 32 by seeing what righteousness and justice do.

"Each will be like a hiding place from the wind ... a shelter from the storm ..." A virtuous leader protects and defends those he leads. In our day, in our nation, we can see how that is outlined by the U.S. Constitution; our leaders are to defend our nation from enemies within and from enemies without, as well as from oppressive tyrannical government. In our churches, virtuous leadership is to protect the flock from false teachings and idolatry. Righteous and just leadership is ever watchful, ever alert, and ever active in the duties of defense and protection.

A virtuous leader also sees that the weak, the helpless, the truly needy are provided for and cared for. He is "like a stream of water in a dry place, like the shade of a great rock in a weary land." Later in Chapter 32 Isaiah describes it as being "a stronghold to the poor...to the needy in his distress." (25:4) This kind of leadership is compassionate, a servant to those he leads. He feeds his flock rather than feeding off of them. By protection and provision, a virtuous leader will guide those he governs to walk in truth and wisdom which leads to righteousness and peace. (v.4,7)

Conversely, we can also see in this passage of Isaiah what leadership should not be or do. He should not substitute deception for truth (v.5) calling "evil good and good evil...darkness for light, light for darkness...bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter." (Is. 5:20) In fact, unrighteous leadership will actively pursue injustice by seeking new ways to pervert truth and intentionally teach falsehood (Is. 32:6). And because this kind of leadership denies truth, it cannot possibly protect and defend as it should. Instead, it deprives the hungry and thirsty (v.6), devises ways to ruin the poor and needy through deception, denies justice to those he governs (v.7), using his position of power to oppress (Micah 2: 1-2) He does not serve, but instead demands to be served. This is not true leadership at all - it is tyranny.

Today, as in Isaiah's day, there is a continual tension and struggle as to what type of leadership will prevail. As Christians we often feel that the unjust and unrighteous usually win the day, but God's Word encourages us to standfast on what is good, true, and beautiful and to continue doing good works. "...he who is noble plans noble things, and on noble things he stands." (Is. 32:8) And while standing nobly may often seem like a lost cause, it is good to remember what God Himself has to say about unrighteous leadership:

"The LORD will enter into judgement with the elders and princes of his people:

"It is you who have devoured the vineyard,

the spoil of the poor is in your houses.

What do you mean by crushing my people,

by grinding the face of the poor?"

declares the Lord GOD of hosts." (Is. 3:14-15)

It's not difficult to see, therefore, that there is a clear antithesis of leadership before us today as there was in Isaiah's day. The question for us is to which kind of leadership shall we consent, and what kind of leadership shall we be?

God's Transcendent Economy

These are interesting days that we are living in. From an economic perspective, the situation is anywhere from transitional to dire to apocalyptic depending on who you listen to. Whether a politician or pundit is actively fear-mongering or not, there are plenty of things going on that would incite some amount of fear in just about anyone.

I'm reading through the book of Isaiah right now. In the first half of the book God is confronting His people about their sin and then telling them the consequences of that sin. It's not pretty! It's also striking how much their collective, national sin looks like our own:

Leaders decreed iniquitous decrees, and

wrote oppression. (10.1)

They forsook the Lord, and

dealt corruptly. (1:4)

They claimed godliness, but denied its power. (1:11-14)

Righteousness gave way to murder. (1:21)

Their leaders were rebels, friends of thieves,

givers of bribes. (1:23)

They pursued other gods and were idolatrous. (2:6-8)

Culture broke down. (3:4-5)

No one took responsibility. (3:6-7)

The widow and orphan were denied justice. (1:23)

And the list goes on as God declares His covenant lawsuit against Israel. But, amazingly, in the midst of all that awful declaration of sin and judgement, the grace of God shines through, for we also see passages with some of our dearest promises:

"... though your sins are scarlet, they shall be white as snow..." (9:18)

"... they shall beat their swords into plowshares..." (2:4)

"... the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel." (7:14)

"... the people who walked in darkness have seen a great light ... For to us a child is born..." (9:2-7)

Well, that may be an interesting little study, but what in the world does it have to do with the economics of our time? A lot, actually. We live in a day not unlike Israel - things aren't looking so good and it's a scary time to live in. But, right in the middle of all that God shows up and gives hope and sustenance to His people.

In Isaiah 7: 20-25, right smack dab in the middle of a declaration of how bad it's going to be, we have a seemingly out-of-place passage:

"In that day a man will keep alive a young cow and two sheep, and because of the abundance of milk that they give, he will eat curds, for everyone who is left in the land will eat curds and honey."

Whatever the outcome of next week's election, whatever the path our government and economy takes, God has given hope and promise to His people. It doesn't mean Easy Street, but it does mean that we are His beloved children and He will make a way for us, He will provide for all our needs - right in the middle of it all.

The Well Ran Dry (And Our Cup Ran Over)

No, I'm not trying my hand at becoming a country music song-writer although the title of this posting might imply it. And goodness knows, we have song-writers everywhere you turn out here in our part of the country! There's no need for me to add to the bunch. One thing about country music, though, it talks pretty much about real life, and our own personal real-life could've been in a country song last week.

Next month will be the 2-year anniversary of Beau's birth and death, 18 months since John lost his job, all followed by just a whole string of profound events - lots of them disappointing. It's been a long haul lately. Then last week our well went dry.

No water, no income to speak of .... we felt like we'd been sucker-punched again. "God, don't you remember us down here? We're having a tough time - we need a break." So, we had ourselves a pity-party and figuratively cried in our beer. This is a country-music song, remember. Well, all this happened on a Friday night and the well-drilling guys who'd diagnosed the problem couldn't get back to us until Tuesday, so .... what to do? Horses drink a lot of water, we had our own dogs plus boarders, and of course, ourselves to consider. It just seemed overwhelming. Not to mention that we were told that most likely we were looking at a few thousand dollars of work. It might as well have been millions.

I put out an SOS for the horses's water and heard back from various folks, and as word leaked out amongst our friends, offers for places to stay started coming in. Art and Andrea said we could come get water from their farm, but before we could load up on Saturday morning to go get water, here they came with a flatbed trailer loaded with a 100-gal. trough and every plastic trunk they had filled with water! Our two empty 100-gallon troughs were both filled up! As we breathed a sigh of thankful relief, more offers of aid continued to come in - friends to stay with, farms to take the horses to if we needed - we were overwhelmed again, but this time with thankfulness.

So, during the course of spending the nights with friends, reassurances of care and concern came from every corner, joining us in prayer for the situation. We were seeing that God DID care, He DID see, HE DID know, and He cared for us, loved us, and provided for us through our friends. And not only did He provide for our needs, He put the cherry on top! A dear friend made it possible for me to have several pieces of clothing that I had admired. Someone anonymously had left a gift certificate for me to use at the hair-dresser. These were things that I surely didn't need, they weren't critical for our livelihood - and yet God in His unexplainable kindness said, "Here, I'd like you to have this today."

Oh, we have learned such a lesson through that dry well! Psalm 107:35 says, "He turns a desert into pools of water, a parched land into springs of water." In our need He showed us plenty. In our scarcity He showed us abundance. In our poverty He showed us wealth, and we were overwhelmed with His goodness. But, that wasn't all!

On Tuesday morning, the drilling guys showed up and went to work. Within an hour they were pulling up stakes and ready to go. "It wasn't dry after all," they told me. "Since it's been so dry, the water table's dropped and there wasn't enough water to force out some mud that had gotten in and sealed off the well. We just cleared it out and you're good."

No new well needed after all! Not even deeper drilling of our current well! What was going to be thousands of dollars had just dropped to a few hundred! God had answered our prayers abundantly. Our cup had runneth over all because of a dry well.

This is the drilling rig going to work.

Here's a rear view of it. Can you see that there's water underneath?!

It's hard to tell in the photo, but there's the slurry of mud that had sealed off the well. It looked like wet cement. See the running water at the top of the photo? Once that mud was gone, the water just flowed!

Here's the water coming up out of the well on it's own accord.

Again, it's hard to see, but that's a nice stream of water flowing down the right-hand side of the lane. Thanks be to God!

A Face of the Times

If you are reading this, I can reasonably assume that you are beyond Jr. High/Middle School age, and if that's the case I can also reasonably assume that you've been taught at least some modicum of history involving America's Great Depression of the 1930's. Besides reading or listening to how dire those times were, you would also have seen photos of those times - of the men, women, and children who suffered want and woes. Those were hard times.

These are hard times, too. It may not look as bad now as it did then, but we are not so much an agrarian society as we were then, and the false facade provided by credit cards have masked the dire difficulties that many people live in today. This morning on the radio, embedded in the newscast, was a foreclosure statistic for our area. Currently, as many as 1 home out of 125 are in foreclosure. That's a lot of homes. That's a lot of families.

It has been 17 months since John lost his job. In all that time we've not had income enough to cover our living expenses, but we did have sizable savings tucked away and things are beginning to look up in the employment department. So, we've been able to keep our home, have lived carefully, and have watched the hand of God help us again and again.

Yesterday, I was at the gas station filling my tank with my weekly allotment of gas when a man approached me. Now this gas station is very public and very popular since it has the lowest prices in our area, so I wasn't afraid of him since so many people were there. This man came up carefully and reluctantly, and said, "We're from Grassland. We lost our home in the flood. Things haven't worked out and we're trying to make it down to Shelbyville to live with my in-laws." He paused. Now I've seen a lot of pan-handlers in my lifetime, but there was a kind of pain in this man's voice and eyes that I'd not seen before - at least not in real life. But, then I remembered those Depression-era photos of broken men and women and realized that this was what was standing before me.

"I don't do this kind of thing, but I have to now. We have about 40 miles to go and our tank is empty. Do you have a couple of dollars to spare? I thought maybe I could borrow a little here and there." His voice was choked and tears were brimming in his eyes. If he was a fake, he deserved an Oscar. But the pain in that man's face was as obvious as the hard tan and worn clothes that he wore. His wife sat in their small car parked at the curb looking straight ahead.

I told him that I understood what it was like to be in the middle of a hard time, that we'd lost our income, that God had provided for us, and of course I had a couple of dollars to share with him. He dropped his head in humiliation and expressed his thanks with profuse apology. As I went to check my wallet, I discovered that all I had was a $10 and a $20 which had to last another 3 days. Remembering God's faithfulness to me, without hesitation I took the $10 and told him that I didn't have a couple of dollars but could give him $10. He almost looked frantic at that point and after stumbling for words said, "I'm not any sort of predator or anything, but if you'd like to give your address to my wife we will pay you back." He was pleading as he sought to distinguish himself from the average bum. Again I told him that God had provided, that I had enough to share, and someday he could help someone else out who was down on their luck. He took my hand and shook it, saying thanks only with tearful eyes. As I left, he and his wife were putting some gas in their tank.

I don't tell you this to brag on what I did. To the contrary, I look back and wish I'd given him the $20. My heart breaks for this family, and for all the families that find themselves in these kinds of straits. Time are hard. God is faithful.

Things Above and Things of Earth

The morning's text at Sunday worship today was Colossians 3:1-4, "If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."

This is the central theme of Colossians - Christ, the center of all things. Pastor Nate spoke of seeking and setting as found in this passage -active, focused words depicting 'movement towards' and 'founding on' a whole new life. When we seek those things that are above, we must set our minds upon them and if we don't, we fall back into anxiousness and worry, supposing ourselves to be our own savior. Thus, we find life to be a series of pendulum swings between pride and despair.

So what are those heavenly things that we're supposed to seek? And how do we find them? Those things are where Christ is, and we find them by looking to him and not to ourselves. Our salvation is assured by the strength of the position of the One who saved me.

Pastor Nate concluded his message with two statements that really caused me to think back over the last 20 months or so: "As we look at those heavenly things, all of the rest of our life falls into line, into it's own priority beneath Christ." And "We will seek the risk of the Kingdom if we know that we are rooted in, founded upon, set in Christ."

Even though I have loved Christ as my savior from an early age, I have had a great propensity to try to be my own savior. It's that classic old original sin, thinking that I actually knew better than God. It got Adam and all of mankind into a lot of trouble and it's been no different for me! Coming to the end of my rope got my attention, and the knowledge in my head of the sufficiency and efficacy of Christ finally moved into my heart. Seeking and setting were key.

So how do you seek Christ and set your mind on him when the tempest of life is howling around you? God's word, first and foremost, is solid and sure. But, when your mind is raging it can be kind of difficult to read the Bible, if not downright impossible sometimes. That's where seeking and setting came into play, and for me that meant going, week after week, to Sunday worship. Even in the midst of confusion or pain, darkness or despair, there I could say the Word in the Call to Worship, the Corporate Confession, and the Profession of Faith as found in the Apostle's Creed. I could pray the Word in the Lord's Prayer itself. I could sing the word in various songs and hymns, the Kyrie, Sanctus, and Agnus Dei, and even in the singing of the Benediction. I could hear the Word in the Old and New Testament readings, the Scriptural Text, the Assurance of Pardon. And finally, I could taste the Word in the Eucharist. Week after week, the work of the Word did its steady and sure work upon my heart and brought me to firmer ground.

I know that my life isn't fixed. It can't be until I step into eternity, but in the meantime when life begins its inevitable ups and downs, I know that the sure and certain Word will be my refuge and my rock.

Just Wondering.....

Our friend, Tom, related a story to us about his elderly mother who lay dying. As she slept in her bed she suddenly awoke and sat bolt upright. "Tom, am I dying?" she asked. "Tom, there are all these people here telling me that I'm dying, and one of them came and poked me in the side and woke me up!" Afterwards, she lay back down to sleep and awoke in heaven.

In Acts 12, it tells the story of Peter imprisoned and then rescued by an angel. Verse 7 says that the angel "struck Peter on the side and woke him..."

I just can't help but wonder, is this angel operandi??

Ponderings

I used to think that older people sat quietly and still for long periods because they were too feeble or tired to do anything else, and that may well be the case. But, now I am thinking that it also may be because they have hearts and minds that are too full.

The Scripture says that after the birth of Christ when Mary had been visited by the Magi, she "pondered these things in her heart." I am finding that the older one gets the more there is to ponder! It's not easy to think through all the things that life affords.

This week, in about 36 hours time, with great relief we welcomed home a son from war, sat with a daughter in the emergency room awaiting word from the doctor about a threatened miscarriage, saw - with great relief again - the ultrasound image of a healthy, busy baby, and then learned that the greatly-anticipated, greatly-needed employment fell through. Again.

What to think? How to feel?

This I know: the overwhelming goodness of God continues; through good and through bad it continues, and there I can find rest, for His purposes in our lives will be accomplished. This I feel: the exhilaration, the fear, the joy, the discouragement - is all real. It's a lot to ponder!

Deep or Wide?

Confession time. I have become a Facebook addict.

It's just too darn fun! I've become reacquainted with old friends, the kind you wonder "What ever happened to so-and-so?" And people find me, too; and sometimes I then wonder, "Who IS this??" and have to pull out the dusty high school yearbook. I can keep up with my kids and family who are spread far and wide, see their recent photos, live their adventures vicariously with them. I can keep up with political and social issues, and post my own which I'm sure is irritating to some of my Facebook friends. It's been great! But, I've also found it has shallowed out my time and thinking.

I can quickly post something political or cultural on Facebook which I agree with, but if I don't actually write about it or think through it so well, I'm not as enabled to defend my position. On Facebook, my thinking can cover a wide range of subjects, but it only goes about an inch deep. It's a very broad, very shallow lake, and I believe my thinking and writing have suffered.

Not only has my writing suffered, but so have certain responsibilities around the house, books I could be reading, actual letters/emails I could be writing. Oh, it's just soooo distracting to plop down in front of the computer "for just a second to check."

So, I've seen the difference in deep or wide, and I've spent too much time splashing about in the shallows rather than treading deep water for good exercise. Dare I make a resolution not to spend so much time on Facebook, since resolutions are made to be broken? Well, I'll certainly begin to discipline myself more and set time limits. Besides, there are so many good things to think through and write through in a blog and I've missed that. For Pete's sake, here it is the end of April and I still have wintertime photos heading my site. And, most important, what about those beautiful grandsons that I can wax on and on about? So, I repent! More deep than wide for me. I'll see you again soon.

Letting Go

It's hard to let go of those we love, even when they have gone on to live in heavenly places. But for life and redemption to continue, we must let go and go on ourselves. Does this mean I will forget Beau, or deem him less worthy of my thoughts? Not at all. It means I can let go of the grief and the pain while remaining thankful for Beau's life.

So, as part of loving and letting go, I've planned a couple of little things to do to honor Beau on his birthday and home going. They may seem silly to you, but it works for me! :-) All year I've been saving hotel toiletries, and have three full bags to take to the Ronald McDonald House in memory of Beau and in gratitude to the RMH who comfortably housed us and supplied us with all we needed during our stay there. Then on Beau's home going day I'll head out to the cemetery and release a balloon to help me remember that he has indeed returned to the Father and I am free to let him go. A new day dawns and we hold the former days in our hearts with thanksgiving.

Nancy Guthrie, in her book Hope, writes of her own experiences of letting go:

"There is a tyranny in grief. We realize at some point that we have to figure out how to keep on living, how to incorporate the loss into our lives. We want to feel normal again, to feel joy again. But the energy and emotion of grief keeps us feeling close to the one we love or connected to what we've lost. Letting go of our grief feels like letting go of the one we love, leaving him or her behind and moving on. The very idea of it is unbearable.

I suppose we have a choice. We can hold on to the pain, accepting the misery it brings if it means we won't have to move forward with the emptiness. Or we can release it, process it, talk about it, cry over it, let it wash over us, and then let it wash away with our tears. We can make the painful choice to let it go-not all at once, but a little every day. We begin to find that we have the choice of whether or not we will let ourselves sink to that place of unbearable pain when the flashes or memories and reminders of loss pierce our hearts. And we can begin to make that hard choice. We can begin to let go of our grief so we can grab hold of life and those who are living. But I think the only way we can do that is by telling ourselves the truth-that if we choose to let go of the pain, or at least let it become manageable, it does not mean we love the one we've lost any less. And it doesn't mean that person's life was any less significant or meaningful, or that we will forget.

A couple of Sundays ago, a friend who had recently lost her husband stopped me after church to talk. "I cry at the office, cry all the way home, and then cry all evening," she told me ... while crying. And I cried with her.

"Wasn't your husband worthy of a great sorrow?" I asked her. When you love something or someone, the process of letting go is a painful one that takes some time, and it need not be rushed. Nor should it be avoided altogether. We feel the pain, mourn the loss, shed our tears, and with time we can begin to let go of the grief that has had such a hold on us. Perhaps it's not so much that we let go of our grief, but more that we give our grief permission to lessen its grip on us."

"Do you ever get over this?" I had asked Uncle Victor through tears. "No," he replied in a choked voice, "But you learn to live with it." Key word - live. And so we can indeed love, let go, and live.

Happy Birthday, Beau

In just a few days it will be the one year anniversary of Beau's birth and a few days afterwards, that of his death. We lived. We cried. We sorrowed. But we lived. And in that living we drew closer to God in a way we'd not known before, mining deeper the treasures of his love, redeeming the loss and the pain.

"C.S. Lewis said, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." God uses the physical pain that does not subside, the relational pain that puts us on edge, the emotional pain that brings us to tears, to get our attention and to turn our attention toward him. Is that how God has used pain in your life? Do you find yourself praying more often, thinking more deeply, searching more urgently for the truth? When pain invades the busyness of our routine existence, it insists that we reexamine our assumptions and reevaluate our appetites and affections, doesn't it? Pain often affords us-or imposes on us-time for reflection. If we will accept it, pain can give us the gift of reconnection with God, a fresh intimacy with him, a passionate nearness to him. Pain brings us to our knees. We begin with prayers for our pain to be removed. And as he works in us, our prayers change so that we begin to asks that the pain will be redeemed." (Hope by Nancy Guthrie)

Thank you, Father, for the birthday gifts you have given us through the birth and death of dear Beau, and through the pain and redemption of his loss.

1 Day, 2 Events, 1 Reality

One Day: One August afternoon and we are all busy going about our daily lives, thinking our daily thoughts, doing our daily things. But, not all of us. Some of us are caught up in the joy of prayers answered, and some of us are caught still in our tracks by unexpected tragedy. All in one day.

Two Events: For several years there has been a little knot of folks dreaming and praying and working and praying some more to establish a college. A college based on the 7 Liberal Arts as modeled by the Medieval colleges which brought forth the blossoming of arts, culture, innovation and more. A college based on the 7 Liberal Arts seen through the lens of a Biblical worldview. New College Franklin finally came into reality and the first convocation ceremony took place yesterday with the inaugural class of students. There was great joy all around!

But, also yesterday, a young man went home to be in the presence of the Lord following a tragic car accident. He turned 19 years old on the day he went home, and he is undoubtedly celebrating his birthday with great joy in Heaven. However, his parents, family, and friends - indeed the whole community - are experiencing great and profound grief.

One Reality: The Christian life is a life full of paradox and antithesis. The antithesis concerns our life are we walk in the world, but not of it. The paradox of life - it seems - can be much harder to bear, but in the bearing of it is much richness and life. Within the paradox are the old familiar themes: Bought with a price to serve a Master, yet set free; we lose our life in order to find it; we are called to discern, but not to judge our brother; we die to ourselves so we can live for Christ; we give that we may be full; and most of all - like Christ - we die to be born again. He taught us saying, "...unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone: but if it dies, it bears much fruit." John 12:24. These little grains of wheat that we are and the little grains of what we do must necessarily fall into the ground and die in ways both small and great in order bear the beautiful fruit God has granted for us and for His glory. It is a hard thing for our minds to comprehend. We must walk circumspectly, throwing ourselves and our pain and doubt on the one sure thing, and that is Christ. Both the joys and the hurts of life find completion in Him who loves us enough to have sent His only son to die in our place for the penalty of our sins. To God be the glory.

Celia

This month marks 39 years since Hurricane Celia hit the South Texas coast between Corpus Christi and Aransas Pass. I was among those who evacuated the morning before the storm hit. Though hurricanes don't change, the way we deal with them has changed - some for the better and some for the worse.

This photo is of damage to property in Aransas Pass.

I am a Corpus Christi native, but was living with my family in Houston at the time Celia hit. As was often the case, my cousin, Teresa, and I were staying with my Grandmother in her mobile home in the little fishing village of Fulton, just one block from Aransas Bay. One of the many shrimping boats tossed around and damaged by Celia.

There was no Doppler Radar or Weather Channel at that time. The best way for folks to track hurricanes was by plotting longitude, latitude, barometric pressure, and wind speeds on a hurricane map, which everyone had. Because of that, everyone became their own weather predictor to some extent. Hurricane watches and warnings were issued as they are today, but it was considered more a recommendation than a mandate.

On Sunday evening, a watch had been called for our area, so everyone was on alert making preliminary plans and preparations and keeping a close ear to the radio and television news. On Monday morning, Teresa and I awoke in the dark wee hours to the voices of uncles, Grandmother and the radio. The watch had been upgraded to a warning and now plans had to turn into action. My Grandad, who was away at the time, owned a small shrimp boat, the Pee Wee, and my uncles were discussing how to get her out of the harbor and into a safe place before taking their own families away. Celia's wind speeds were only 90 m.p.h. at this point, so there was not a huge amount of concern, just caution. As 12 year olds, Teresa and I though this was terribly exciting!The National Guard keeps watch for looting in Corpus.

Teresa and I packed our bags and helped Grandmother with some preparations. Since there was time to kill before heading out, we walked down to Fulton harbor to see what we could see. At the docks and boat ramps, shrimpers were scurrying to secure or tow out their boats, but the most incredible site we saw (and I've never seen it since) was the bay itself. The water had fled its normal place due to the tidal action of the storm and was hundreds of feet out from the shoreline, leaving the sandy bottom fully exposed. At that point we realized that this was serious business and our excitement changed to sobriety.

At last it was time to go, and Teresa and I anxiously parted ways - she with her family, and I with Grandmother to my home in Houston. By this time the sky had grown very ominous. I'll never forget the look and color of the clouds. The doors of the Corpus Christi Coliseum are opened for folks to receive aid from the Red Cross and Salvation Army.

The few days we were away were anxious ones. The news reports weren't encouraging. Celia's 90 m.p.h. winds had leaped just prior to landfall to 130 m.p.h. and millions of dollars of damage had been done. My parents owned a small motel in Fulton - the Glen Mar - which my Grandmother managed, and we were all just a tad nervous. Even more importantly, we were anxious for family and friends. There were no cell phones, of course, and with lines down, communication was challenging.

When we returned to Fulton, we were so relieved to discover that - except for downed limbs and one broken window - the Glen Mar and Grandmother's home were fine. For the most part, Fulton had escaped devastation. There was certainly a lot of damage, but there could have been so much more for a village built right on the bay. One of the strangest sights I remember was Trep's Grocery right on Fulton Beach Road. Half of it was gone, just like a giant had stamped his mighty foot down and squashed it. The remaining half was absolutely fine, down to the goods still sitting on their shelves! We speculated that perhaps a tornado had hit it.People line up for ice from one of the many trucks that shipped in ice.

As family regrouped back in Fulton and Rockport, the adults were off to do clean-up duty while we children stayed at Grandmother's. She spread sheets in the tree limbs to create a large pavilion of shade and that's where we brought all the chairs and cots from the house. We kept one or two coolers for perishables with the ice we were able to get from the ice trucks and spent a lot of time swimming in the big, round cattle trough that Grandmother kept as a swimming pool for the grandchildren. We actually had a great time! Businesses and restaurants reopened quickly thanks to the hard work of the power company. Even those places that had a lot of damage held their business in their parking lots. Unfortunately, there were many homes and businesses that were mostly or completely destroyed, and aid poured in from everywhere to help with the rebuilding.

One of the many communication centers.

A few days later when folks were allowed to reenter Corpus, we took the 30 minute drive to Corpus, passing through Aransas Pass and Portland. Our mouths hung open at the devastation we saw there. We didn't spend to much time gawking because of on-going recovery efforts, but we had answers to our concerns about the city. Amazingly, we were able to get some grocery-shopping done there, shopped at Woolco Department Store, and ate at a restaurant near the bay.

Obviously we didn't have as bad a time with Celia as many, many others did. But, now as I watch the proceedings before and following hurricanes, I find so many interesting differences between now and then. Storm-tracking and predictions have, of course, improved 100%. It's truly amazing what information we can now have to evaluate storms and know what action to take. Evacuation efforts have also improved 100%. Even as recent as Hurricane Rita three years ago, we've learned more and more about moving people out of harm's way. Recovery organization and efforts have also improved, in most part thanks to technology and communication improvements. The willingness of people to help has never changed. What has not improved, however, is the dependency upon Government rather than private sector and volunteer organizations, churches, and neighbors. The slow, bureaucratic maze of governmental proceedings seems to less-helpful than the previous groups listed.

Regardless of my musings and memories, as hurricane season is currently in effect, I can't help but pay close attention - it's just in my blood. I could tell you other hurricane stories, but I'll save them for another time!

On Eagle's Wings

Almost 7 months ago we sat in the family area outside of the Neo-Natal Intensive Care unit absorbing, or maybe not absorbing, the hard, hard news of Beau's terminal diagnosis. As we mentally and emotionally scratched and clawed for a hand hold on the plummet downward, we found underneath us the Everlasting Arms.

As we began to feel the comfort of those Arms we could begin exploring His Word, and in doing so began journaling all that He was speaking to us. There was one tiny verse in Exodus that spoke to me then, and today it speaks even more surely to my soul.

"... I bore you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself." Exodus 19:4b

God does not abandon us at the time of our greatest need, whether it is the death of a loved one or our own death. It is, in fact, when He sends His most powerful agents to aid us. The strength of His Spirit sustained us at that awful time and drew us near to Him, and it was a remarkable, holy time; even in the midst of great loss and grief.

But needs continue. Loss and grief continues, and what then? Day to day living - even though God hasn't changed and our belief in Him hasn't changed - grinds harder and more slowly. How do we live through such loss and grief? Is it even possible to live? And finally we grind to a halt. There is no more strength, no more joy, no more life. We have come to the end of things, to the end of ourselves; and then He sends the eagles.

In my case, the eagles were those who recognized the desperateness of my situation and walked with me daily, calling on me, and helping me to find myself for I had become lost. They listened to me and cried with me. They sat with me, prayed for me, and slowly began to guide me out of the dark cavern where I was. It was as if I began to awaken from a terrible, drug-induced nightmare to the realization that life can be new again. I can have hope. The film Lord of the Rings: Return of the King portrays this so beautifully. Frodo has managed to throw the ring into the fire of Mt. Doom, and he and Sam - having given all - lie spent on the rock as destruction rages around them, fully expecting to die. At that point, the eagles arrive and gently take them up, bearing them away to safety, comfort, and healing. And so our Heavenly Father sends his own eagles to bear us to Him.

This, too, is how I imagine our little Beau - gently lifted away by the angels and the great eagle to be borne sweetly and triumphantly to the Father in heaven who called His littlest lamb home. It has been hard letting go of our beautiful baby, but I think I finally can. I can begin the journey of healing, thankful for who Beau is, where he is, and all that he led us in. Yesterday when we visited his grave site, though my heart was sad, the great searing pain was gone. Beau lives on and so will I, thanks be to God who sends His eagles to bear us to Himself.

Seed for Sowers

"Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!

He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing,

Shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him."

~ Psalm 126:5-6

There are many ways that God's people invest in the future, and we are indeed called to invest in the future.  God's covenant with His children not only runs through the ages, it runs through eternity.  One of those many ways of investing in the future is through the education of children, and that's where my particular emphasis has been; specifically in Christian Classical Education.  

Christian Classical education has enjoyed a revival in America in the last 20-plus years, and it's revival hasn't been without a great deal of blood, sweat, and tears.  So, as I read this passage in Psalms, I am encouraged to continue persevering, for we are promised fruit for our labor.  However, we should also note that the seed with which we sow had to come from somewhere.  Indeed, we ourselves are the fruit of the labors of those who've gone before.  Skipping rapidly through the centuries, we can look as far back as Augustine to Gerhard Groote, and then Abraham Kuyper to see the faithfulness of those who've gone before.  So, as we labor and toil and suffer setbacks, remember that the seed we carry came from previous fruit; and that seed will again bear fruit to produce seed for future laborers.  Thus, is the Kingdom of God built;  thus the reason we strive so diligently to raise up Christian, cultural leaders.  May God bless the work of those hands.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

It's been raining since Thursday.  Steady rain. Light rain.  Driving rain.  Soaking rain.  Blowing rain.  Rain, rain, rain.  I'm ready for the sun to come out and cast its magic on my soggy rose bushes that are loaded down with buds.  I want it to quicken the grass seed we sowed in the back field, so it can hurry up and grow.  

A week ago I wanted rain, not sun.  It was dry and the ground was hard.  I wanted softer ground to sow the grass seed.  I wanted to stop wrestling cranky water sprinklers and have the garden and flower beds watered from the sky.  I want, I want, I want.

Isn't it just like we self-centered, sin-centered humans to want what we want, when we want it?  And right now, thank you!  Who am I to think that the weather itself should revolve around my wants and needs?  We need rain and we need sun.  God knows what we need when we need it, even if it's not on our schedule, in our plans, or anything we would ever choose of our own accord.  It's humbling.  We have to stop and admit that we don't see the Big Picture at all, even though we think we've got it all figured out.  We want to think that we're god-like; all-knowing, all-understanding.  But we're not.  We can rarely even see the Little Picture in correct perspective.  So, let's humble ourselves before the Lord, who sends us the sun and the rain in its time, who sends us all things in its time.  Help us, O Lord, to dance along according to your leading, according to your times, and not our own.  

"For everything there is a season, 

and a time for every purpose under heaven:"  ~ Ecclesiates 3:1

Deep Calls to Deep

I love to body surf.  I grew up on the beach and had plenty of opportunity to practice, and I'm pretty good at catching a wave.  However, on occasion the wave would catch me.  Then down and round, and round and down you tumble in the wave, till you don't know which way is up until your face lands in the sand.  The power of a wave when you're in it's grip is awesome in the strongest sense of the word.  You realize who you are and what the wave is.  And sometimes that's how the power of God rolls over you.

"Deep calls to deep

     at the roar of your waterfalls;

all your breakers and your waves 

     have gone over me.

By day the Lord commands his

          steadfast love,

     and at night his song

          is with me,

a prayer to the God of my life."    ~ Psalm 42:7-8

The beauty of these verses has long haunted me, but it is only lately that I began to understand what the psalmist was saying.  There have been (indeed, are) occasions in my life when I've had no idea what is up, what is down, what is anything.  I only know that I am not (never were?) in control, and the best I can do is not swallow the mouthful of sand.  Or maybe I do.  But even as those waters break over me and I've lost all control of the situation, I'm not cut adrift.  I am indeed in the grip of God, and by day He commands that His steadfast love be with me, and by night He sings over me.  Therefore, I - and you - can have hope.

"Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God."  ~ Psalm 42:11b

Spring Rains

"Come, let us return to the Lord:

for he has torn us, that he may heal us;

he has struck us down, and he will bind us up.

After two days he will revive us;

on the third day he will raise us up,

that we may live before him.

Let us know; 

let us press on to know the Lord;

his going out is sure as the dawn;

he will come to us as the showers,

as the spring rains that water the earth."

~ Hosea 6:1-3

God declares himself to us in two ways:  through His word (both written, and the Word made flesh) and in His creation; and it is through His creation, specifically springtime, that I am gently reminded of His word of hope, of newness, of redemption.  The cold hardness of our hearts begins to warm and soften under the work of his sun and soft rain, and there begins to stir the hope of seed laid dormant.  Dare we hope for life?Sometimes, however, the workings of the Lord are not so soft and gentle, and he tears us as a plowshare tears fallow ground.  He strikes us down as a gardener prunes his vines.  But, he does these things that he may heal us; that he may cause us to grow in the way that is best.  

If you note, though, in verse 2, the Shepherd of our souls was first the Lamb that was torn and struck down in order to rise again; in order to defeat sin and death, in order to bring us out of our cold, dead lives into life abundant.  This is a sure thing.  So let us press on, as Hosea says, to know the Lord; for he comes to us as the spring showers, the spring rains that water the earth.  "O, Lord, rain upon the fallow coldness of our hearts that life may come once again."

Shattering

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."  ~ C.S. Lewis

"God's glory often lives in the deepest recesses of our pain."  ~ Calvin Miller"Christ chargeth me to believe His daylight at midnight."  ~ Samuel Rutherford"Let Christ's love bear most court in your soul, and that court will bring down the love of other things."   ~ Samuel Rutherford

"The pain of our shattered plans is for the purpose of scattered grace."  ~ John Piper

How'd That Happen?

Today is the 30th birthday of my firstborn.  How on earth did that happen?  Why, I'm only 35 myself!  Aren't I?  

It certainly doesn't seem that it could be 30 years ago that our 8 lb. 6 oz. baby boy arrived early one spring morning.  But, alas, it's so, and God-willing - the other children will be celebrating theirs soon in orderly fashion.  It's a funny thing how the seemingly eternal time of child-rearing is suddenly gone in a flash.  Whoosh!  No do-overs.  But, in the place of that little child you so carefully tended to, is an adult that you are pleased to call your friend.  What a blessing God has given us in the gift of children.  Even when they get to be as old as you are!

                                               Happy Birthday, Son!

Is Sorrow a Sin?

I don't like the world I'm living in right now.  It hurts, and I don't know that there is an end to it.  Babies aren't supposed to die.

 A wise uncle recently told me that you don't get over these kinds of things, but you do learn to live with them.  Is there room in my worldview for living with sorrow?  Is it wrong as a Christian to live with the overshadowing of sorrow in everything I think, do, and say?  Am I becoming the proverbial wet rag in my fellowship of friends?  There are no pat answers to the hard questions, but Tony Woodief's recent article in World Magazine explores the question:  "Is sorrow a sin?"

If you are living in that greying shadow, I hope that this article is a comfort to you, too.